Toni is a Texas native (she pretty much always mentions Texas first in her introductions), but resides in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband Sam and daughter Dylan. 

With a degree in business logistics and entrepreneurship, she has used her talents to help ministries, leaders, and non-profits in the areas of student ministry, creative marketing, leadership, innovation, strategic planning, and diversity and inclusion. She’s a host and communicator and has had the opportunity to proudly stand on stages like North Point Community Church, Chick-Fil-A, Orange Conference, and MomCon. 

With a background in helping to build bridges across racial and gender divides and a heart for a radical wave of peace and love to overcome our world, Toni serves as the Director of Gathering for Preemptive Love and the Gathering communities movement.

In early December, 2005, 23-year-old Ian Rosenberger hung desperately to an ocean buoy off the coast of Palau in the Western Pacific Ocean.  He had been there for over twelve hours.

To someone unfamiliar with the situation Ian’s condition might appear bleak, but Ian was not a castaway from a shipwreck. Instead, he was a contestant on the popular TV show Survivor, where contestants compete for a grand price of a million dollars. Ian was one of only three contestants left out of the original 20, and this was the last immunity challenge.  If he won this challenge he would be one of the final two contestants for the million dollar grand prize.

The challenge was a simple but brutal test of endurance and perseverance.  Each contestant would cling to the ocean buoy as it swayed, sometimes violently, in the waves and the one that could hang on the longest would get a free pass to the final round.

The other two contestants hanging to the buoy were Katie Gallaher and Ian’s best friend on the show, Tom Westman. Katie dropped out after 5 hours leaving just Ian and Tom.

As the hours marched slowly on the challenge became increasingly difficult physically, but for Ian the bigger challenge was psychological.  Alone with his thoughts he began to consider how he had played the game and how much the million dollars meant to him.

Ian could see a clear path to victory in his mind. If he won the challenge he would get to choose which of the other two contestants to eliminate. He saw his friend Tom as the bigger threat.  Ian felt that if he won the challenge and eliminated Tom he would have a clear path to victory.

Ian was an Eagle Scout and as he clung to the buoy he began to repeat the words of the Scout Law: “A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent…”  Ian stopped.  He knew he had been neither trustworthy or loyal while playing the game. He later said, “I’d been backstabbing people and I was planning on doing that to my best friend in the game and realized I would lose that friend if I continued playing the game in the same way. Every time I pulled money out of the ATM account with the million dollars, it would bother me.”  

Ian thought of the example he would be setting, especially for his younger sister.  “I thought about Scouting, and I thought about the people who would watch me win.  They wouldn’t have been proud.”

So Ian quit.  

Not just the challenge, but the game.

He gave up and asked his friend, Tom, to eliminate him. Tom reluctantly agreed and the chance to become an instant millionaire was over for Ian. As Ian predicted, Tom went on to become the sole survivor and win the million dollars.  

Thinking back Ian stated, “I realized it’s not just winning the million.  It’s how you win it.  That is what I learned in Scouts.  It’s not just accomplishing something; how you accomplish it becomes important.”  He added, “I decided to bow out.  That was because of the Scout Law….and because of my sister.”

For Ian Rosenberger living according to the values he learned in scouting was worth more than a million dollars.  Does he have any regrets?

“I can’t say that the cash wouldn’t come in handy right now, but I’m completely happy with the decision I made. I don’t regret it at all. It’s only a million bucks. I left with pride and a story I could be proud of…although if I stayed, I wouldn’t be eating ramen noodles every day as I am now!”

In case you do not travel via plane and frequent the “unfriendly skies” much: flight attendants, during their Father Abraham refresher course, instruct adult passengers that, in case of cabin depressurization, an oxygen mask will fall from the ceiling. They ask the adults to place the oxygen mask over their own mouth first and then help a child. 

Isn’t that cruel? 

I remember the first time Kellee and I flew with our children and really thought about that instruction. My love for our kids totally out-ruled the wisdom and reasoning behind the instruction. I just can’t see myself enjoying a life-giving flow of oxygen while our children are turning different shades of blue and purple. It was only after I was off the flight and driving that I realized the significance of the directive.   

It makes so much sense. If I am not conscious, if I have passed out due to oxygen deprivation, how am I going to be of any help to our son or daughters? I can’t serve our kids if I am unable to function. Regardless of my deep love for our children, the wisest thing I can do in that situation is to make my physical welfare priority over the physical welfare of our kids. 

Counterintuitive? Yes. But true.

If you are going to become a student who is influential, who can endure the maximum dynamic pressure that is our culture, this same line of thinking must enter the equation. You have to decide to put your own spiritual welfare before the spiritual welfare of others. Mark it down. There will come a time when you find yourself being drawn into things you have no business doing. You will find your motivation shifting from the overall wellbeing and flourishing of your peers to acceptance or the need to be liked. You will have to choose to be responsible to what is true. 

When you get to that point, you will need to be able to discern if it is time to back off, or, perhaps, bail out. You will have to have the integrity to back off or bail out. 

INFLUNSR. defines integrity as choosing to be responsible to what is true. 

God isn’t going to do anything that will hurt our relationship with Him. He can’t. It is against His nature. It contradicts His character. Along the way, you will be tempted to sacrifice your integrity and perhaps your intimacy with God in order to be friends with a person(s) whose relationship is detrimental to your own personal growth. Are you willing to breathe deep from God’s oxygen mask and make your own spiritual health the priority?

The same principle on a depressurizing plane holds true with you and your friends. Your integrity has to take precedence over your peers. 

How much of a priority is your relationship with Jesus to you? Record your thoughts. We will talk about this at length in the Circle. Go ahead and spend some time journaling your thoughts.